On Stalking
by WingedWolf121
Summary: Erik is trying to convince himself he isn't stalking Charles Xavier. Thus far, he's failing. College!Au, featuring the Avengers
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I blame devianart for everything. Including my random writing of a college!Cherik fic. It's set in MIT because 1. I live in Boston and there's already a Harvard one, though I've never read it. 2. In my mind, it makes sense for Tony Stark and Thor to be at MIT**

**Disclaimer: Duh, I'm totally Stan Lee. The blonde hair and body of a teenage girl are just a cover. **

Erik Lensherr is not a stalker, thank you very much.

Okay, there's the fact that he changed his entire way of walking across campus to stare at one guy's ass. And he's taken to detouring on his way to his Construction of Missiles in Germany class just so he can catch a glimpse of the guy and his ass, and that's made him late for that class every day for the last month.

(That's fine though, the professor doesn't care. Because he's the only one in the class who actually speaks German, she's taken to giving him biscuits and spending half the class having discussions solely with him. Erik is reasonably sure that the entire class hates him because of that, and can't bring himself to care.)

But back on topic, Erik is not a stalker. It's raining outside. He has a perfect right to be sitting in a coffeeshop drinking the most awful coffee he's ever had (the barista doesn't understand the meaning of _black_ and doesn't know that her milk has gone sour).

He is most certainly not here because, only a few tables away, the young man whose ass he's been entranced by since the first time he saw it waggling over campus is sitting a few tables away, clutching a cup of Earl Grey tea and chattering about his Humanities course with a blonde girl.

Erik has learned that the man's name is Charles Xavier, that he's not majoring in psychology as Erik suspected, he's actually getting a PhD to go with his two Masters degrees. The gorgeous blonde whom Erik hated the minute she grabbed Charles's arm and demanded that he buy her some sort of unpronounceable coffee is no longer the object of his hatred, because she is Charles's little sister and is getting a degree in cosmetology at MassArt, and just snuck onto the MIT campus to see Charles.

It isn't eavesdropping if they aren't whispering.

After three hours of the two of them talking, Erik realizes that he needs to either do something or go back to his dorm and actually study, because his godawful coffee is cold and the barista is glaring at him.

He wonders whether Charles always takes three hours to talk to his little sister on Friday afternoons, and whether if he brought his own coffee next time the barista would try to kick him out. Probably not. Erik has a Glare of Doom that would take down that pitiful little coffee-ruining hussy in a second.

Charles does not look scary at all. Charles has enormous blue eyes that shouldn't be allowed to exist because they're so blue, and wavy dark brown hair that's begging to be pulled, and a smile that might have made Erik spend five minutes just standing on a path staring the first time he saw it.

Incidentally, that smile was first shown when Charles stopped to give directions to a clearly lost pair of Asian tourists who had somehow stumbled onto the campus. This proves that Charles is ridiculously nice and therefore not at all the type for Erik, who is not nice at all. (see aforementioned Glare of Doom)

Anyways, Erik is now leaving the coffee shop and not going to spend the night contemplating tugging Charles Xavier's hair. There are two reasons.

1. He has never freaking _talked_ to Charles Xavier, and he is not that creepy.

2. There's a new class about WWII he's starting tomorrow taught by some new professor. Erik wants to show up not sleep deprived and make a good impression.

* * *

><p>Erik's day is not going well. For a start, he did end up being creepy and thinking about Charles Xavier half the night. As a direct result, he smashed his alarm clock when it beeped, got out of bed late, didn't shower, is wearing a dirty turtleneck, and doesn't have matching shoes.<p>

That's not even the worst. The worst is that, upon walking into the classroom, he observed that sitting in the front row of the class (disgustingly good looking as always) was Charles Xavier.

Erik did not need more opportunities to be a stalker, dammit.

His reaction is to stop walking, get cursed at when someone walks into the classroom and bumps into him, and then snarl an obscenity in German at the bumper. The person-who looks like he was raised in suburbia-squeaks and stammers out an apology.

Erik doesn't feel much better, but he sits in his seat in the front row with a tiny bit more composure. Charles looks fresh and bright and ready to begin the day, dressed in a cardigan and slacks.

This clearly proves that Erik can't pick proper people to ogle, because who the hell wears cardigans? He looks like an old man!

Since his leather jacket covers up the dirtiness of his turtleneck, Erik _does_ feel that he can judge. He puts his books on the table and wishes that he didn't care so much about his education. Then he could be sitting in the back sleeping like a few other students.

The number of students sleeping grows over the next half hour, as the professor does not arrive. After fifteen minutes Charles takes out a thick book and begins to read. Erik takes this as an opportunity to hone his covert staring skills.

After half an hour, a man wearing a leather jacket and jeans and a flannel shirt and boots walks in. He looks like a belligerent woodcutter, so Erik is going to put him down as "janitor who came to tell us we're in the wrong building, and to GTFO".

Charles looks up with sudden interest, closes his thick book, and takes out a pad of paper.

"The bastards didn't tell me I had to teach at nine fucking am." The man growls. Erik's eyes widen, because holy shit, this must be the new professor. The man glares around the room, then takes a deep breath and roars _"WAKE UP!"_

Needless to say, the class is immediately awake. Erik doubts anyone on campus is still asleep. He mumbles a curse under his breath in German and wishes he had chosen different classes.

"You. What's your name?" Crap. The professor, whose Glare of Dismemberment is equal to Erik's own Glare of Doom (if less classy) is pointing at him. Charles is watching.

"Erik Lensherr." The words come out nice and manly, with no squeak. Erik is grateful.

"Excellent pronunciation. You may be a tolerable part of this class." Except he says it in German which, while not flawless, sounds exactly like normal-people German. Erik wishes he had chosen more complimentary words. Then the man turns to the rest of the class. "My name's Logan. You can call me sir. Any insurrection and I'll pin your testicles on the wall over there, _are we clear?"_

"Sir yes sir." Chants the entire class. Erik suddenly likes Professor Logan, even if he looks like he's on the run from the Mounties. Judging by Charles's little smile, so does he.

After an hour of absolutely brilliant lecturing peppered with swearing and growling, class is dismissed. There's no homework, because Professor Logan glares at them and says he isn't grading some fuck-load of essays, and they'd probably all be crap anyway.

Erik has a newfound adoration for this class.

That adoration is shattered when he sees Charles trotting out, because he has nothing to do for the next hour and really doesn't want to spend it following Charles around. Also, Charles is carrying about a ton of books in his arms, not to mention the satchel stuffed with papers he's slung over his shoulder.

It's the perfect time to introduce himself and not be a creeper anymore. He could hurry forward, tell Charles that he's going to kill himself if he keeps carrying those around (seriously, Charles is tiny and probably weighs as much as the satchel) and then Charles will let Erik ravish him out of gratitude.

Erik is _not_ going to do that. He bolts for the library instead, because even though Professor Logan didn't give them homework, he mentioned a few books that would make great supplementary reading, and what do you mean avoidance?

* * *

><p>Erik just can't win today. Only fifteen minutes after he holes himself up in a corner with a copy of <em>SS Hell on the Eastern Front<em> (Logan seems to have morbid taste, and Erik likes him even more) Charles walks in.

Really? Erik isn't allowed to even read a book in peace? He's being forced to stalk through coincidence?

Charles comes in, dumps a few of his books on the librarian's desk and chatters with her for a few minutes. Erik catches snatches about her birthday, her daughter's wedding, and the plans for the library to get new furniture.

Erik just wants to read his book, take his classes and go on to building tanks and other such things (he's got a gift for metal and a tendency towards violence). Erik doesn't really want to examine what that says about himself.

Right now Charles is helping Erik not be introspective by waving goodbye to the librarian and looking for another thick book. Erik is not quite able to keep from staring as Charles drags a footstool over to a bookcase, climbs on top of it, and reaches for a book.

Whatever he's trying to get, he can't reach. With a deep frown that makes Charles look very professorly, he vanishes, comes back with another footstool, and props it on top of the other.

A school full of geniuses, and this is what they resort to.

Charles is balancing on top of the second footstool, straining to get to a shelf that he's just a bit too short to reach. Erik is desperately trying to deep from salivating, because crap, Charles has bared a few inches of pale white back and just edge of his underwear in his quest for a book. It's very distracting.

Erik is two seconds away from just getting up and grabbing the book for Charles when Charles drags the book down. It's even thicker than the one he was reading earlier, and Erik is at a loss as to how Charles intends to carry that around.

He's about to ask when something beeps in Charles's pocket. Charles takes out a phone that doesn't look like it's from this planet, swears, and runs. Literally.

All of Erik's normal indignation that Charles just ran past a librarian at 90mph and didn't even get scolded is lost in how adorable his look of panic was. It's then that it occurs to Erik he should go shower.

He gets up, and notices that there's something on the floor. It looks like it fell out of Charles's satchel. Erik picks it up.

A dark blue scarf.

Erik dashes outside, but Charles is long gone.

This leaves only one course of action available. Erik goes back to his dorm and makes like Sherlock Holmes.

Deduction number one: Charles is pretty well to do. The scarf is made of pure cashmere.

Deduction number two: This definitely belongs to Charles, because embroidered at one end is "To Charles Francis Xavier, from Alice"

Deduction number three: Erik wants to go smash his head into a wall because clearly Charles is involved with someone named Alice who knits him cashmere scarves with great skill, and therefore would have no interest in Erik.

Deduction number four: He's going to want the scarf back, which means Erik must return it, which means Erik might have to actually initiate a conversation.

* * *

><p>Erik has not given the scarf back. He's been busy. Professor Logan's lectures leave him exhausted simply because he has to write so fast, and because it's tiring to have a man who threatens to stab the entire class in one breath and makes brilliant points in the next talking in his vicinity.<p>

Also, he's noticed that Logan totally picks favorites.

He picks on most of the males, excepting Erik (but that's only because Erik knows what Logan is saying when he threatens the blonde who has now been named "Bobby Drake" in German and always chuckles darkly). Then he turns around and is the nicest guy ever to the girls-Erik is certain that Marie and Kitty would get As in this class no matter how much information they actually absorbed.

It's all very unfair. Erik would like to commiserate with someone over it, but he doesn't have a friend in this class.

Or, really, any friends at all.

He's nerving himself up to talk to Charles, but that's proceeding rather slowly.

This slowness is helped by the fact that last time Erik sort of followed Charles across campus Charles ended up under a willow tree giving a lecture about literature and morality to a bunch of girls. Among them were Kitty and Marie, though Erik also noticed a pretty black girl with white hair, a frosty blonde who was pretending to ignore everything while taking notes, and dark haired girl who did nothing but stare with her mouth open.

Yeah, Erik does _not_ want to get caught up in that. Even if Charles is being fascinating and interesting and has the first button of his shirt undone.

Not that Erik was watching.

* * *

><p>It's been two weeks, and Erik really needs to get that scarf back to Charles. In his defense, he's thought about giving it back quite often. He just hasn't actually sucked up the courage to approach Charles.<p>

Unfortunately, the longer he waits to give it back, the more suspicious it will look when he does. Charles is probably missing his scarf, now that the weather is getting chilly. Erik doesn't mind the winds that whip across campus overly much-he's from Germany, where it's far, far, colder, and he wears turtlenecks-but Charles is small and fragile looking and looks likes he's going to topple over whenever a gust of wind hits him.

Charles needs this scarf.

"Lensherr, focus!" Erik snaps back to reality and is embarrassed to realize that he's missed the directions. They're assembling machinery today in one of his non-Charles classes, and there couldn't be a worse place to daydream about Charles than when he's fusing metal.

"On it, sir." Erik glances over the sheets of metal and catches up to the rest of the class. It's not a hard class, in his opinion. But that might be because Erik is excellent at manipulating metal, and he could build this apparatus in his sleep.

The rest of the class passes with Erik finishing easily and mocking the slower students under his breath in German. He's mainly trying incredibly hard not to think about Charles.

It is, for the first time ever, _working._

"Why, that's simply brilliant! If you could refine this, you've created the alternative to oil!" The strange thing isn't that Erik heard about the sort of invention that might change the world. It's that he's now got a bad case of whiplash, and why the hell is Charles in the mechanics lab?

Other than the purpose of ruining Erik's plan not to think about him.

Charles is standing in the "genius working here" part of the lab, where there's another disgustingly good looking man talking to him. This particular man has black hair and a scruffy beard. He's also breaking the rule about not eating around dangerous machinery.

Erik hurries over to his professor, who is running his fingers over the perfect engine Erik just made with a look of awe.

"Excuse me, but who is that?" He nods at the scruffy man.

"Oh, that's Tony Stark. One of our most brilliant students in weapons design, though he's keeping his projects more under wraps now." The Professor's mouth turns down. "I guess he figured that after the little accident with his last missile, it would be better to keep his work a bit more private."

None of that particularly matters to Erik. He's generally genius himself, and he's obsessing over a man who's in his early twenties and already has _two Masters _and is fast on track to earning a PhD. Brains no longer intimidate him.

What he _really_ wanted to know was how well Stark knew Charles, and what their relationship was, and why Charles got to go right past the wall of yellow tape separating Stark's half of lab from everything else. Tony Stark has playboy written all over him, and Charles is smiling at him in a puppy-dog way.

Why is Erik feeling protective over someone he's never talked to?

He chooses to blame the fact that Stark just made a gesture around Charles's ass, which is the wonderful bit of anatomy that got Erik into this mess to begin with. It was a very cupping sort of gesture.

Erik grits his teeth and wonders if perhaps he could sneak into Stark's laboratory and make a few slight adjustments to the metals. There are lots of ways to make invisible changes that cause explosions.

In the meantime, he needs to find a way to get closer to Charles so he can return the damn scarf without looking like a creep.

* * *

><p>An opportunity does not arise, because Charles misses the next of Professor Logan's lectures. Professor Logan sweeps his eyes over the empty seat, then glares at Erik.<p>

"Where is he?"

Erik would like to know why, exactly, Professor Logan thinks he should know that.

"I don't know sir." The Prof. glares even more menacingly.

"Aren't you two a couple?" Erik wants to sink down into his seat and die. Since when is his deranged axe-man teacher this perceptive? "Or whatever the abbreviation of fucking is these days."

"No!" Erik manages to splutter out. Professor Logan shoots him one extremely unconvinced look, then drops the subject and begins to talk about the morale of the soldiers in Normandy.

* * *

><p>Erik is beginning to realize that he might in fact be a stalker. This is mainly because he, in his quest to find Charles, is finding that he knows a disturbing amount of places the man might be. It's even more disturbing that he's in none of those places.<p>

Library? Nope.

Coffee shop? Nope.

Underneath tree? Nope.

In that dorm house for rich people where Charles goes often and probably sleeps? Nope.

Tony Stark's laboratory? Which is, to Erik's chagrin, bigger than the main science building. It's also extremely locked, with a padlock over a deadbolt and three separate locks.

What if Stark kidnapped Charles and is keeping him there? What if Charles is currently being held hostage so Stark can get more research money from Charles's parents? What if Charles is having mad passionate sex with Stark (cheating on Alice) in that building?

Now Erik isn't sure whether he wants to melt the locks off the door with the extra acid he happened to be carrying around, or to go sit on his bed and bemoan his life. He chooses to go to bed, because Stark is quite clearly Important, and one does not break into the lab of an Important person with acid. It's too easy to trace.

* * *

><p>Charles pops back into his life after that blip quite quickly, and much more spectacularly than when he vanished. That spectacularness happens when Erik is innocently walking across campus brooding over his chemistry Professor's last lecture, and there is a sudden outbreak of shouting.<p>

Well, more like roaring. Erik turns and, to his absolute shock, sees that there's a man waving his arms and screaming at the top of his lungs _at Professor Logan_.

Erik stops and watches, not particularly inclined to help. He likes Professor Logan, but that man is practically turning green and looks ready to kill anyone who gets in his way. If that man is Professor Logan, then so be it.

Plus, the Professor looks like he can take care of himself. At least, he's ignoring the panicked members of staff who swarm nearer with what might possibly be tranquilizers.

No way is Erik getting into that. He prepares himself to watch a full on brawl, and idly wishes he had popcorn. This looks like it'll be better than any movie. (Not that Erik sees movies. He's never been to a cinema.)

Then, like a miracle, the screaming stops. Erik stares.

What the _fuck_ is Charles doing?

Stopping the brawl of the century, clearly. Charles has planted himself in between Professor Logan and the man, who looks like a wimp now that he isn't full of rage, and the staff are all lowering their tranqs.

Erik sneaks closer.

Huh. Charles is in the middle of a lecture about peace and the merits of nonviolence and why both of them should be more mature and not let such little differences almost lose both of them their places at MIT. Erik wonders if it's occurred to Charles that he's lecturing his own Professor.

"And Bruce, you can stay with me. I'm sure there's space in my dorm for you." Charles leads the guilty looking Bruce away. They're talking in undertones, leaving a very irate Professor Logan behind. Erik is wondering whether Charles can control minds or something, because he just talked those two down in three minutes, max.

He's also wondering if starting a fight would get him an invitation to become Charles's roommate. That lucky bastard just got an invite to Charles dorm, didn't he? What if he's in there ravishing Charles right now?

Erik really, really, really, needs to stop being a wimp and just give Charles the scarf back. It's freezing outside now, and it's going to snow soon, and Charles is going to need the damn thing.

* * *

><p>Erik has a firm belief that before undertaking any mission-even Mission: Give Charles His Scarf and Carry His Books Before He Breaks His Arms-you need a plan, background information, and strategy.<p>

Erik therefore compiles a list of possibly useful background data, omitting the details which involve only his observations of Charles's face and hands and hair and butt.

1. Charles drinks Earl Grey tea, and because of that his sister calls him an old fart. This means that Erik should have enough money on him constantly to buy that tea, because it is extremely expensive in the crappy little coffee shop wherein he spends every Friday afternoon.

2. Charles does not wear enough clothing. While Erik would love to see Charles prancing around campus naked, that only goes well during summer, and now it's winter and it's cold.

3. Charles's hair looks positively gorgeous being blown about by winter wind, and Erik didn't meant to put that on the list.

4. Charles says the word groovy. Erik knows this because once in class discussion Charles used it to describe a facet of Winston's Churchill's personality, and Professor Logan had a laughing fit. He also used it to describe one of Stark's projects, but Erik wasn't close enough to get the full sentence.

5. Charles will drop everything to help someone. Literally. Erik once watched him drop a hot cup of tea on his front to stop a little old lady from tripping. This is evidence that Erik doesn't deserve contact with Charles.

6. Charles speaks too many languages. Erik has seen him speak Latin fluently, observed that one of the thick books he constantly carries around was written in Greek, became unfortunately turned on in class when Charles made a joke in French (and he swears Professor Logan noticed and was cracking up more because of his state than the joke), heard him directing yet another pair of Asians to the front office in Mandarin, and heard him mock his sister in Spanish. Erik speaks German, French, and Spanish, and thinks that they could have long fascinating conversations about these languages.

7. Charles is devoted to his little sister. Not only do they spend three hours in a coffee shop talking every Friday afternoon, he also talks to her on the phone all the time. Or at least Erik assumes it's Raven, because he can't think of anyone else Charles would call "bratling" in such an affectionate tone of voice.

8. Charles is rich. Erik has only ever seen Stark and Bruce and another person he doesn't know go into the large building where Charles presumably spends his nights. Upon investigation, Erik found that the other person is named Steve, and that he is the captain of every sports team MIT has, and actually believes in "Mens at Manus", and is a patriot, and probably goes with Charles to volunteer at animal shelters in their spare time.

9. Charles reads the paper every day, even when that means walking across campus with his head stuck in the Boston Globe so he doesn't see where he's going and it's a miracle he doesn't spill all of his books on the ground, which by now always has frost on it.

10. Charles Xavier can smile and light up an entire room. Erik isn't sure how this is relevant to his strategy, but it should at least be noted so he isn't blindsided if Charles smiles at him.

With all this in mind, Erik carefully plots out a strategy which is mainly him returning the scarf and then showing off his language skills and buying Charles tea, and then somehow ensuring that Charles is so taken with him he dumps Stark and Bruce and Steve and Alice. Luckily, none of them are really big enough scare Erik, so he feels no hesitance about stealing Charles.

The strategy is meant to go into effect after Professor Logan's class. Erik, with a dry mouth, collects his notebook and walks outside with the scarf in one pocket. He is ready. He is prepared. He is not going to chicken out and…

A new and very unprecedented element is walking next to Charles. That being a six foot three hunk of enormousness and blondeness, who's wearing an open sleeved shirt and doesn't look cold, and who has draped a sweatshirt over Charles's shoulders (Erik has to assume the jacket belongs to the enormous man, because it certainly doesn't belong to Charles) and who is now carrying all of Charles's books, _with one hand._

The other hand is holding the shaft of a very large hammer.

What in the actual fuck?

Erik hadn't counted on a freaking _Viking_ coming into the picture. Charles and his Viking buddy walk past, chatting animatedly in what sounds like Norwegian. Charles pauses to smile at him.

"Hello, Erik."

"Uh. Hi." Well there you go Lensherr, sound like cro magnon. It's not like you want to impress the guy or anything. Erik blinks at Charles and tries to think of something else to say, and fails.

"I'll see you around." Charles flashes him another smile and drifts off with the large and blonde and Viking fellow, leaving Erik to wonder how his perfectly constructed strategy had been turned to dust.

* * *

><p>"Mr. Lensherr, I was wondering if I could speak to you!" Erik stops and looks at his mechanics professor. He's hoping that this talking doesn't have to do with the fact that he accidentally ripped the thin sheet of platinum they were meant to be working on in half and had to fuse it together again.<p>

(For the record, that fusing was flawless)

"What?" Erik is in a bad mood because now the large and Viking man is always carrying Charles's books. And he still has _no idea_ what's up with the hammer.

The professor, rather than glaring and threatening to lower his grade if he didn't quit being a little bitch (Professor Logan's words, obviously) gulps.

"I was wondering if you would be willing to assist Mr. Stark. He's doing a project and could use a bit of help, but I haven't the time and the only one I know of who truly has a gift with the metals is you, and I would offer extra credit?" It's on the tip of Erik's tongue to refuse on principle because he considers himself better than a stupid intern helping stupid Stark do stupid things.

But this is _Stark. _He goes in and out of the Den of Iniquity that is Charles's dorm. He might be intimidated into sharing what secrets go on there, if prompted by the Glare of Doom.

At the very least, Erik will be able to sabotage his equipment in vengeance for the ass cupping gesture.

* * *

><p>It's his first day of helping Stark, and Erik is probably not making a good impression. That's fine, because Stark is definitely making a worse one.<p>

The lab has empty pizza boxes and beer bottles strewn round it. Some of the equipment might actually be _rusting. _Erik resolves right at that minute that he is cleaning this up, dammit, because metal shouldn't be abused this way.

Oh, and there's the fact that Stark is strapped into some kind of contraption with his arms and legs flailing as he fails at balance, and there's a glowy thing in his chest, but that's not nearly as relevant as the molding box of doughnuts.

"Kinky." Erik comments, then looks around. "Don't you have a broom?"

"Very freaking funny." Stark tries to move his hands. "Little help?"

Erik pauses and studies the picture presented to him.

"No, I don't think so. You built it, you can find your own way out." Stark breaks into swearing so colorful even Erik doesn't know the definitions of a few words. "Bravo, your mastery of the English language is quite impressive."

"I can see why you're so popular." Stark mutters under his breath. He raises his voice. "I'll give you a thousand dollars to get me out of here."

Erik is disliking Stark more and more each time he opens his mouth. Still, he steps forward and frowns at the control panel.

"It's complicated, you have to-" Erik holds up a hand and thinks. Stark actually shuts up, possibly only because no one has ever actually done the "talk to the hand" thing with him before.

"Got it." Erik yanks two wires, and the manacle-ish things around Stark's hands unclasp. The man falls to the floor in a heap. Erik is glad to see that he was smart enough to put some padding on the floor for that purpose, which seems to be the only proper part of this lab. "So, you actually work."

"You're hilarious, and _yes_ I do." Stark growls, and rubs his chest. He reaches into his pants pocket and fishes out a wallet. "Here."

"Keep the money." Erik scowls at him. "I was sent here to help anyway, I just hadn't anticipated the first task being one that demeaned both of our intelligences."

"I thought you were Erik Lensherr?" Stark is still rubbing his chest-where the glowy thing is-in an absentminded way, but his attention is on Erik.

"How do you know my name, and why did you expect someone else?" Stark rolls his eyes and heads over to a table where, surprise surprise, there is pizza and beer. He picks up a slice of pizza and takes a bite, then answers with his mouth full.

"I didn't know that Prof. Stone's brilliant student was the same Erik Lensherr Charles has told me about."

"Charles talks about me?" Erik rather wished that sentence hadn't come out so fast and 13ish. Tony shrugs and offers him a beer and the pizza box. "I prefer to work sober."

"Suit yourself, but all I've got left to do is some documentation." Erik sniffs the pizza suspiciously, then starts to eat. "You should look over the charts though, see if you want me to explain anything."

Erik raises his eyebrows. "I thought you were keeping this under wraps."

"Charles seems to like you, that's good enough." Stark negligently waves a hand and burps. Erik takes a piece of paper, and finds that the gears and levers alone are enough to give him some trouble.

Stark designed this? Holy shit, he must actually be a genius.

"You said this was meant to be used in flight, didn't you?" Starks eyes him and nods. Erik taps the paper. "It doesn't account for temperature change."

"For what?" Stark hurries over, and suddenly looks a lot more scientific. Erik gestures to the chest plate.

"You go high enough, it ices over, power source fails, armor gets weighed down, you fall, you die." Stark's mouth opens and closes before he yanks the papers out of Erik's hands and begins muttering to himself.

Yeah. Mad scientist is fitting Stark pretty well right now.

"Thanks, hadn't caught that." Stark plops down at one of the tables and begins fiddling with things. His attention has gone entirely to a few sheets of red metal. Erik grudgingly concedes that Stark might not be all bad, and proceeds to clean the laboratory.

* * *

><p>Erik considers this karmic justice for being too wimpy to ask Charles out for the first part of the year, and too busy cleaning gunk from tables to ask Tony about Charles for the second part.<p>

He hadn't bothered checking his phone to find out that class was cancelled, and then trooping all the way over to Professor Logan's classroom in the middle of a blizzard. The building is locked, the snow is flying and Erik is hopelessly lost.

How could he go through miles of Polish wilderness and crowded German cities only to end up lost on a college campus, of all places? Seriously, if he _dies_ being frozen to death and it turns out he's only steps away from someone's dorm, Erik will haunt this campus so hard that it'll make the Grudge look like Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Anyways. Erik grits his teeth and ploughs forward. Why did it have to be Professor Logan's class? For any other class wherein Charles was _not_ present he would have just skipped and stayed in the dorm, but no, he had to go out, in a blizzard, and not be able to find his way back.

Freaking New England weather.

Erik glares into the wind. It looks like some sort of shelter is coming up in front of him, hopefully an unlocked building with kindly people inside who would take pity on a poor freezing student and let him stay in the hallway.

"Erik!" Did someone just say his name? He peers around. "Erik!"

"Hello?" He shouts. It's lost in the wind. Erik just barely sees the silhouette of a man walking towards him.

"Erik, come with me." The silhouette resolves itself into a definite human, just not one Erik can see well enough to identify. A freezing cold hand latches onto his wrist. "Come on!"

Well, far be it from him to argue with strange people who came from blizzards. Erik lets himself be dragged along, until there's a door opening in front of them and a booming voice saying "You idiots!"

Erik feels himself get grabbed by the collar and yanked into a warm place. He shakes snow out of his hair, and realizes he's staring into the chest of the Large Viking Person.

"You should have sent me! The blizzards here are mild for my country, but you pathetic Americans will freeze to death!" Erik can definitely believe that the weather is worse in Norway, because Viking Person is wearing a t shirt and barefoot.

"Well I saw him from the window, and I could hardly leave him out there while I fetched you! It's not as though I was out there for a very long time anyway." Erik glances at the man beside him, and holy shit, it's Charles. Who is, apart from being coated in snow, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie.

He went outside in _that?_

"Are you insane?" Erik asks incredulously.

"Which one?" Oh, and now Stark is here. That doesn't surprise Erik in the least, because he's realized that he's standing in a gourmet kitchen that's bigger than his entire house back in Germany. Who else but Tony Stark would live here?

"I believe the question applies to both." Erik responds. Large Viking Person and Charles laugh.

"Well Erik, that's debatable." Charles stretches out a hand. "I'm Charles Xavier, we have a class together?"

"I know. I was going to that class, actually, until I found that the building was locked."

"They do tend to cancel things when it's snowing like this." Charles agrees amiably.

"Bah." Charles rolls his eyes at Large Viking Person.

"Erik, this is Thor." Erik wonders if either of them take Norse Mythology. "He's one of the Princes of Norway, and he finds our silly American reactions to weather wimpy."

"In Norway, my brother and I would go jogging in this weather." Thor pauses. "Well, no. Loki stays inside and laughs and says that I am a fool to run outside when it is snowing and we have track space in the palace, but he will run if there is visibility."

Seriously, who named them that? Erik sort of hopes that Thor knows nothing of his country's myths.

"Well speaking as a pathetic American nerd, I'm a bit cold." Charles rubs his arms, where snow is melting. "I'm going to change. Erik, would you like anything to eat?"

Erik is busy wondering whether or not he's going to be allowed to stay.

"Of course, you can stay until it's safe to go outside again. There are only five of us here, so we have plenty of room." Charles claps his shoulder. "I'll introduce you as soon as we find you some dry clothing-I bet Bruce's stuff would fit you, I'll go find some. Come on!"

Charles drags him away, and Erik is pretty sure that this what being swept off your feet feels like. In two minutes he's had an MIT sweatshirt, a pair of jeans, and a white t-shirt hurled at him by Charles, and has been shoved into a room with a bed and a bathroom leading off it.

The clothing is loose, but Erik isn't going to complain. He trots from the hallway and hesitantly knocks on the door marked "Professor X, mutant ruler of the universe". It's written in girly handwriting, and Erik suspects Raven.

"Come in!" Erik opens the door.

…

…

…

It takes a few moments for his neurons to start firing again. Charles is smiling cheerfully, holding a shirt in his hands. His hair is dripping water on his face and he's shirtless and his sweatpants are hanging off his hips and Erik needs to say something or do something or _stop staring_.

"The clothing is fine." He finally forces the words from his mouth. "Are you sure you don't mind me staying here?"

"Erik." Charles says severely. He finally puts his shirt on, and then pulls a sweatshirt over it. The sweatshirt proclaims in rainbow letters that "some metal benders marry telepaths", and Erik doesn't even want to know what that means. "We have plenty of room, and none of us want you to go out there and freeze. Now come on, I'll introduce you to the others."

Charles does the grabby thing again, and Erik feels his whole arm tingle. Then Charles drags him into the living room.

"This is Steve, you can just call him Captain." There's a tall and muscley man sprawled over a couch who looks up and grins at Charles. He's holding a textbook, and looks like he was studying.

"Nice to meet you. I hope you don't mind if I don't get up, I've gotten perfect alignment with the couch cushions." Erik hasn't ever met someone who owned red and white sweatpants. Or who would couple it with a sweatshirt with a star on it, and thus looks like he's wearing the American Flag.

"Likewise." Erik manages. This guy looks a bit like he could snap Erik's spine in half with one hand, regardless of the bowl of chips balanced on his stomach.

"And the one over there in the chair is Bruce, he loaned you the clothes. I would have gone after Tony because he actually owns a couple of turtlenecks and that's what you always wear, but Tony doesn't own anything clean." Bruce smiles at him. Erik takes careful note of the book he's reading-it's by Isaac Newton. Is everyone here a genius?

"It's nice to see what you actually look like."

"_And_ anyway, you already know Thor and Tony." Thor appears in the doorway to the kitchen, holding a massive bag of popcorn, and a tray of fresh chocolate chip cookies. They teach Nordic Princes to make cookies?

"Take all you want, I was bored." Thor informs him. He pours popcorn into Captain's bowl and hands a few cookies to Bruce. He then sits down in an enormous red armchair that looks too high class for this room.

The room is actually quite interesting. A television with way too many wires connecting to it to be normal is in the center, and there things aligned it would tell any follower of Sherlock Holmes all they needed to know about the inhabitants.

At the Captain's couch there are piles of textbooks, discarded bowls, and lots of coasters.

At the La-Z-boy closest to the television, where Tony is sprawled, there are pizza boxes piled on top of each other, and beer cases make a table, over which is tossed a lot of sensitive equipment. And a beer. And a plate of cookies. Also tossed haphazardly on the floor are flash drives, two dissected Iphones, and graphs covered in scribbles.

Erik doesn't even want to comment on the fact that while Tony eats with one hand, the other is scribbling numbers on another graph.

There's another La-Z-Boy next to that one, where Bruce is curled up with a book. Around him are heaped…more books. And a microscope. And two large calculators. And a glowing lead box.

Thor's large red armchair is actually the least chaotic. There's an open laptop on a shelf at about eyelevel, several large furs draped around the area, magazines, textbooks, an enormous heap of letters written in Norwegian, a large hammer…

"Seriously, _why_ do you have a hammer?" Thor grins and hefts the thing in one hand. Erik notices that it's bigger than his head.

"It's from my country! I am in experimental physics, and this is a tool!" He pats it fondly. "Also makes an excellent lucky charm."

"For the insane." Erik mutters. Tony makes a sound of agreement, Bruce buries his nose in his book, Charles snickers.

"My friend, make yourself comfortable on the couch." Ah, there's the space Erik assumes is Charles's. It's a smaller couch than the one Steve is crushing, and around it, in neat stacks, are enough books to fill a small library. And that's not even mentioning the bookcase behind it, which stretches to the ceiling.

"Ignore his miniature library." Bruce says with a smile. "Charles has a fetish for books."

Tony crows. Charles makes an exasperated noise.

"Bruce, I need to stop overestimating your maturity." He bends down to rummage in the wires around the television. "Erik, do you mind watching Star Wars? We desperately need to get the Captain away from that textbook before he melds with it."

"And they become one being, a shared consciousness, the sole defense of America against rumors of idiocy." Tony adds. Steve shoots him a glare, and Erik sits down on the couch, deciding not to get involved.

"Both of you shut up, or Thor will shut you up with his hammer." Charles calls over his shoulder. Silence reigns, and Erik understands why this house hasn't spontaneously combusted yet. "Tony, did you have to put so many buttons on this?"

"It does more stuff!"

"It's insanely complicated." The picture screen goes fuzzy, then displays the outside of the building. It looks like it's from creepily well placed high definition security cameras. "Damn, wrong feed."

Well, that isn't scary at all.

"Try typing JV2334." Tony burps at the end of the sentence. Large yellow letters begin to scroll over a starry backdrop. "Aha!"

"Excellent! Erik, you'll love these." Steve and Bruce both put down their books. Tony stops making calculations. Thor grins and leans forward in anticipation. Erik tries to focus on something other than the fact that Charles has just sat down right next to him on the couch, which really isn't very big.

The movie is brilliant, and Erik hasn't been so enthralled by fiction in years. The only problem is that Charles is being distracting. First he insists on stealing the popcorn Thor gives Erik rather than getting his own, which means they sit inches from each other. Then Steve dims the lights, claiming that he can't see the picture, and Erik is even more uncomfortable.

And of course Thor hurls a large furry blanket at them and demands that they use it so they don't freeze to death like most wimpy Americans. Bruce giggles in his chair and makes weird eye contact with Charles that Erik doesn't particularly understand.

The culmination of this all is that Erik really needs to see the next movie in the Saga, and Charles is asleep on his shoulder.

"Well I'm going to bed. You two kids have fun." Tony says, and navigates his way out of his corner of chaos without knocking over a single beer bottle. Bruce hurries after him, pausing to shoot Erik and Charles an amused look.

Thor leaves next, muttering under his breath in Norwegian. He takes his hammer with him.

"I think I'll head off." The Captain gets up. He pauses, then makes deep meaningful eye contact with Erik. "Be safe."

That leaves Erik blushing like he hasn't since he was 13, and glad that Charles is asleep. He nudges Charles.

"Charles, wake up. The movie is over." Charles yawns and shakes his head. "Come on."

"Fine." Charles grumbles. He pads after Erik to where his room and the one assigned to Erik are. On the threshold to the room, he pauses. "Goodnight Erik. I hope you sleep well."

Erik won't sleep well. He'll go to sleep after hours of fantasizing about how good Charles looks with that tousled hair and sleepy eyes. And that is simply no longer acceptable.

"Goodnight." Erik steps forward and brushes his lips against Charles's. It's probably the most innocent (and nervous) kiss of his entire life.

Charles moans against his mouth and flings his arms around Erik's neck. Erik doesn't even have time to grunt before Charles has invaded his mouth, and moved one hand down to caress the area just above Erik's pants.

"Eh?" he manages when Charles draws back.

Charles no longer looks sleep tousled and unintentionally sexy. His eyes are glinting in a "sex you up" fashion, he's panting, and dear God, no one has a right to look that ravishable.

"Finally! I was beginning to think you were straight."

"What do you mean finally?" Erik demands. Charles sighs loudly.

"I have been drinking bad and expensive tea for months because for some reason you go to that stupid coffee place, lost a scarf my dear friend Alex knitted me in an attempt to gain your attention, strained every muscle in my arms trying to provoke chivalry from you _and_ bothered Tony incessantly for the opportunity to watch you be sexy with metal. Plus the fact that you didn't respond at _all_ to the obvious seduction tactic of being shirtless." Charles pauses. "I do hope that doesn't sound creepy."

"…not at all." Erik grabs Charles's waist and pushes him into the room, kicks the door shut behind them, and is thankful Charles chose to wear easy to wiggle from sweatpants. "I was only going to that stupid shop because I was under the impression you enjoyed the tea."

"Worst tea I've had in my life." Charles pants out, while ridding Erik of his shirt and sweatshirt in one move. In an impressive display of skill, he's gotten Erik onto the bed and himself straddling him in barely a minute.

After that, conversation is unnecessary.

**Line break**

"Hey, Charles." Erik rests his chin on Charles's shoulder. He's sleepy and comfortable and has just had truly amazing sex.

"Hmm?"

"Is that a chess set in the corner?"

**A/N: Why did I write this. Why. I have 4 mini essays and a writing for history and a dog to walk, and other writing to do (I'm working on Domestics, and there will be updates soon I swear, and I'm writing a BAMF!Evil!PhoenixForce!Charles right now) and I haven't even seen any of the Marvel movies except all the X-Men movies, Iron Man 1, and Thor. But then an idea struck me and I started to write and I looked up and four hours had passed, and I'd better get some reviews. Because this entire piece is one long expansion of my original "Thor is carrying heavy things for Charles and he has a hammer and Erik is like WTF" idea that spiraled out of control and somehow all the Avengers turned up **_**for no reason**_**. **

**Oh, and sorry if any of the Avengers are OOC. I just sort of guessed with the Hulk, and watched the trailer for Captain America, and yeah…that's about it. Sorry that there isn't enough Loki. Sorry it isn't very well revised, I just want to post it and go do my homework. **

**Would anyone want to see an epilogue for this? **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The general opinion was that an epilogue would rock. And I had more ideas. Yay!**

**Dedication goes to Missy the Least, of whom I thought while writing much of this. Hope it makes you laugh!**

**Also, Bruce=The Hulk. He was in the trailer. (A couple people didn't know him)**

**Holy. Crap. So many reviews! I love you all. **

**I didn't bother to watch the Captain America movie (at least not the whole thing), so I drew my whole characterization from a you tube video. Which forced me to buy "Good Life" by OneRepublic. Which is now forever in my head. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ze MARVEL.**

Erik has never really been part of a _couple_ before. He's had one night stands, awkward high school dates, and one accidental encounter with a prostitute, but he's never really been in a relationship that's a relationship-relationship. He didn't think it would be this…awesome.

Charles has a tendency to pounce on him while he's walking across campus, so that one minute Erik is walking along cursing a teacher who decided to give his class a surprise quiz, the next he's got his arms full of cheerful brunette, who often has coffee. Charles has declared that since it's his fault Erik gets less sleep, he ought to make sure Erik can stay awake in class.

And really, it's totally Charles's fault that Erik is up all night. He's never had sex like that in his entire life-Charles definitely knows what he's doing. This results in Erik staying at his dorm very late and being too tired to go back to his dorm. _This_ results in the migration of Erik's textbooks and clothing to Charles's room, which results in Charles shamelessly stealing Erik's turtlenecks whenever he doesn't have clean clothing.

Professor Logan, of course, notices this at once, makes a lewd comment in German, and laughs when Charles blushes. Erik notices him collecting money from several students after class, and feels as though he should have gotten a cut. He also wonders if that's entirely legal.

Oh, well. Erik had had fantastic shower sex an hour ago, he'll be generous to his Professor. Plus, Prof. Logan could kick his ass.

It's sort of debatable whether Prof. Logan could kick Charles's ass. Charles surrounds himself with tall and muscular men, and while something about the Prof. makes Erik think he could take all of them down individually, he's not quite sure about them all combined.

Because really, Charles's roommates are pretty kickass. Erik still works with Tony, and recently Tony blew up half his lab by accident. Judging by the response time from the fire department and the wary looks on the faces of the firefighters, Tony has done this before.

At least Erik got out of class and got a look at some tightly controlled military weapons, which was quite interesting, and got an evening of Charles fussing over him, thus forcing his roommates to fuss as well. Tony received no fussing except a pat on the back from Steve. Apparently, Tony has been the cause of so many explosions that no one really notices any more.

Also, he was busy yelling at his phone for spraying him with chemicals.

Wait. This merits a bit of description.

Tony's phone. There are no _words_ for Tony's phone. It has a name. It can talk. It can talk in a British accent. Despite this accent, Erik doubts the phone came from planet earth. It seems to have a positronic brain, and independent thought. It can hack into the Pentagon without Tony pressing a key. It gets a signal in _elevators_.

That phone will take over the world. Erik is certain of it, and he would accidentally dump acid over it if it wasn't for the fact that Tony probably couldn't dress himself without Jarvis (Tony named his phone. It's extraordinarily phallic, according to Charles).

But back to the ways of Charles's roommates and asskicking.

Steve is the only badass Erik has ever known who is incredibly nice. It's suspicious, how sincere he is. He pops up with snacks, with clothing, with mail, with girl scout cookies, with umbrellas, with condoms (that was a very awkward conversation) and with all manner of patriotic slogans. Steve is doing some kind of thing with shields and the army and history, and can recite every bit of American history ever recorded.

Also, he's captain of the crew team. And he volunteers in soup kitchens. Erik has no idea how he has time to both do that and the time to sprawl on a couch and get his ass kicked by Tony at video games.

Then there's Thor, who could benchpress most of MIT. That doesn't need explaining.

Bruce, under normal circumstances, is the least scary. But that's when he's calm. When he isn't calm, it's an entirely different story, because on the rare occasions that Bruce flies into a fit of rage, even Professor Logan would have difficulty restraining him. But under all other circumstances Bruce works with radiation and is scary in a "I can get my hands on isomers which will kill you in seconds" way.

This all sinks in about two weeks into Erik dating Charles. Erik is rooting through the basement of Charles's building trying to find a wrench, because they were a tiny bit too enthusiastic last night and managed to bump a screw out of the bed, and Tony's wrench is stained with unmentionable things.

Then, out of nowhere, a _hammer_ whizzes past his head. It actually, through some miracle, hits the wall, rebounds, and flies back into Thor's hand.

Okay. His boyfriend's roommate is a wackjob and wants to kill him. He can deal with this.

"I think we're experiencing cultural differences." Let no man say Erik will be intimidated by a hammer and a lot of brawn.

A light suddenly glares down on him and Tony stalks forward, bedecked in government weapons that are probably supposed to be locked away in his lab. Steve advances from another corner with a trashcan lid, and Erik wonders what in the world he expects to do with a _trashcan lid._ Of all the ridiculous…even Bruce has showed up, with a lead box and a homicidal gleam in his eyes.

"We wanted to speak with you." Tony drawls.

"So I gathered." In the unlikely event that Erik is picturing how easy it would be for these people to hide his body, he won't let any of that fear into his voice.

"To impress upon you the pain you will go through should you hurt Charles." Bruce says softly. Erik thinks that this must be the equivalent of the father-daughter's boyfriend intimidation talk.

"Right, so you trapped me in a basement." Erik pauses. This is either the stupidest thing any person has ever done for their bro, or the nicest. "Well, rest assured, I have no intention of harming Charles."

The roommates sort of glance at each other.

"You didn't have any plans beyond the threat, did you?" A somewhat sheepish silence ensues. "Am I allowed to go now?"

"Sure." Thor says, looking sort of embarrassed. Clearly, no one in this group is a planner.

"Excellent. I'm glad we had this talk." Erik finally finds the wrench. This has been, despite the initial fear, a not very intimidating encounter.

"One other thing." Tony growls. Erik, already on his way out, turns to raise his eyebrows at the inventor. "We may not be able to protect Charles heart. But you can be damn sure we'll avenge him."

Erik stares at him. And then busts up.

"I cannot believe that you said that." Erik wheezes out. Thor begins to giggle. Bruce is snickering. Steve is shaking his head, trying not to laugh. "That was the most dramatic…"

"Are we comparing Charles to an endangered rainforest?" Thor manages.

"You make it sound like he's under attack from aliens!" Steve's already terrible poker face cracks and he dissolves into laughter. Erik suddenly has the picture of Charles on an asteroid with little green men, while his roommates zoom around on tiny rocket ships blasting at them.

That sets him to even more laughter, and before Erik knows it he's on the couch, cracking up while Tony and Bruce set up simulations for Project Protect Charles on the computer, and when Charles walks into the dorm carrying a load of textbooks, everyone takes one look at him and can't stop laughing.

Charles, to his credit, merely smiles, gives Erik a kiss, and sits down to read a book.

By next morning, all of Erik's things have mysteriously moved to Charles's room.

* * *

><p>Erik feels obligated, one day when Charles is curled up at his side trying to review his notes but actually watching Tony kick Steve's ass at Call of Duty, to ask whether anyone in this place actually studies.<p>

"Oh, yes." Charles yawns and snuggles closer to him. "We do."

"Hmm." Erik wonders what this place looks like at finals. It's not long before he finds out, and really, it shouldn't have shocked him so. He knows that these people are strange under normal circumstances, and everything reacts under pressure.

But come finals week, he's still amazed. It somehow didn't register that all of these people take really hard classes and lots of them, and that all of those classes require people to take tests and write essays. Not to mention the fact that Steve has his sports practices.

Erik is very, very, glad that he's a relatively normal student. He just has to do the twenty page paper (which, because he's a smart person, he already started) and pass some exams. Everyone else has gone psychotic.

No, seriously. Steve, as soon as he gets back from practice (always with his Ipod on and a lecture blaring in his ears) collapses on the couch and dives into an essay about America he's writing. Erik gets to watch as he fills paper with writing, then tears them up and hurls them in the trash. The truly scary part, to Erik, is that he does it while humming the National Anthem.

Without ceasing.

It's enough to drive one mad.

To escape from that, and thus avoid stabbing Steve, Erik helps Thor with his project. It's some kind of physics thing, and Erik doesn't understand physics on this level, but it involves Thor throwing the hammer at various objects and writing down equations. The important thing is that they're outside while this happens and though Erik is cold, he's not committing murder.

"But the X should correlate with the Y…" Thor trails off into babbling in Norwegian. Also with great gesticulation and much waving about of the hammer. Erik prudently stays near cover. "It doesn't work! The figures are all wrong! It doesn't make sense!"

"Uh-huh." Erik begins gathering debris, which is the only way he's really helping. Thor doesn't actually need a response to his babbling most of the time, he just wants to yell and terrify freshmen.

Well Thor might not have been intending to terrify the little brats, but Erik thought it was hilarious to see how one wet his pants.

"The numbers, they don't and ohmygawd it's all wrong!" Thor is tearing his hair own and pacing a rut in their little bit of campus. "Wrong! I want beer! I want food! I want lightening to strike my" he says a word in Norwegian that Erik is definitely looking up later "Professor!"

Erik doubts that lightning will strike down this professor just because Thor said so, but he's still going to warn the man to stay inside for the next few days.

Thor's backpack buzzes. Erik slides around Thor, who is quite possibly frothing at the mouth, and begins to rummage through it. That might be Charles texting them (Erik lost his phone awhile back, and Charles has taken to just texting whomever he's with to get hold of him.)

Thor has _way_ too much food in here. Finally, Erik gets to his phone and opens it.

_**From: L'il Bro**_

_I do hope this hasn't inconvenienced you, dear brother, but it seems I sent you the wrong weight for your hammer. Add 1.43 lbs for the correct formulas. _

"Hey, Thor." Erik calls. "Your brother texted you."

"Eeeeh?" Thor snatches the phone, his eyes huge. He reads the text. He looks from the phone to the hammer to his papers.

Back at the hammer.

Back at the phone.

Back at the papers.

"Eeeeeeh?" Thor drops the phone and grabs the paper. He flicks through them with a crazed look in his eyes, scribbling down revisions to the numbers and ripping away entire papers. Then he throws his head back and roars with laughter.

Erik wonders if that's the sign Thor has actually cracked.

Thor's laughter peters off after about five minutes of Erik being very, very, confused.

"Everything makes sense now!" Thor says with a grin. Erik nods carefully. "I just must type everything done!" It's always obvious when Thor is excited, because his language breaks down. "I go make food!"

They walk back across campus with Thor still chuckling and shaking his head, and Erik still wondering what the hell just happened.

They return to what could best be described as a war zone. Steve, still in the uniform he wore to practice yesterday, is pacing and writing in a notebook. He's _still_ humming The Star Spangled Banner. The couch upon which Steve normally sprawls is covered in notes, books, and a laptop.

Bruce is in his chair with a pair of bright green earbuds in his ears, tinkering with something. Erik can see a vein slowly popping in his forehead.

"Say nothing." Thor mutters. "Best to stay as far away as possible."

Erik is forced to agree that for once, Thor is being wise, as Bruce abruptly grabs a pillow, screams into it until the veins goes down, then resumes tinkering.

"Weirdos." Tony comments. Tony is sprawled over the chair, reading a magazine about cars.

"Why aren't you studying?" Erik knows Tony is smart, but come on. It's _finals_ week.

"I get all my grades from my projects." Tony turns a page. "And Stark Industries funds a great deal of MIT's inner workings."

Erik wonders if he could move fast enough to throttle Tony before Thor could stop him. Probably not, plus Charles wouldn't approve…where is Charles anyway?

Erik can't see him at all. All that's visible is a large, very scary, wall of books. It rises around their couch like a fortress, and only the barest trace of chocolate locks is visible.

"Don't even try to move him." Says Tony, still disgustingly chill. "He has like five million tests. I don't know how you mortals do it." Tony opens a soda, and Erik resists the urge to kill him in favor of peering through the fortress at Charles. His boyfriend is sitting on the couch, reading a book.

"Charles?" Erik asks tentatively. Charles doesn't respond. He does turn one of the pages. "Are you…feeling well?"

"It's a genius thing." Thor offers. He's moved to the kitchen and is mixing some kind of food. "They go…what is the American word?"

"Neurotic." Tony mutters. Erik sighs, sits down on the floor (as his normal place of sit is unreachable) and begins to study for Professor Logan's exam. The Professor implied it would be rather difficult.

The exact words in fact, were "This test is going to destroy you and leave your mangled carcasses hanging outside my office as a warning to freshmen." Said with a manic gleam in his eye and a straight face.

Erik thinks he should probably study a lot.

About two hours later, when Erik's head is starting to swim, he looks up from his notes. Thor hands him a plate of food and a cup of coffee. Nothing much has changed. Charles is in the exact same position but with a different book, Bruce is tinkering, Thor is typing up his experiment, Tony is snoring. Steve has vanished, hopefully to go sleep.

This is the most silent the dorm has ever been.

Erik goes back to studying.

It takes another two hours before he's sure that if he reads another fact his head will explode. He simply cannot study any more. The pressure building in his cranium will become to much. _But_ then he wouldn't have to take this stupid test. Erik gets to his feet and puts down the book.

Thor retreated to bed an hour ago. Tony is still snoring. Steve is still absent. Charles is…in the same pose, scanning a binder.

"I hate finals." Bruce says quietly. He's cleaning up whatever the tinkering thingy was. "_Hate_ them."

"Me too." Erik says darkly. They both glare at Tony.

Then Erik gets an idea. A brilliant idea. A evil, magnificent, perfect idea. He picks up one of the sharpies which have been strewn about the room and puts a dot on Tony's face. Bruce giggles.

"That is brilliant." Erik is sort of surprised that none of these people have done this before. Bruce turns Tony's mustache into an enormous seventies porno stache. Erik makes his eyebrows bigger. Bruce adds monster sideburns. "We really should stop before he wakes up."

"One more thing." Erik writes, in as neat handwriting as he can manage, a message on Tony's forehead.

_I don't have to study._

With an evil chuckle, Erik heads to bed.

* * *

><p>It's morning, and they are going to be late for Professor Logan's exam. Erik yanks on his turtleneck as he dashes through the dorm, noting with dismay that Charles hasn't moved since last night.<p>

"Charles! Come on!" Like one in a trance, Charles gets to his feet and puts his feet in his shoes. He actually puts his feet into Tony's patent leathers, which don't need to be laced, and walks out the door. He doesn't look up from his book. Erik stares.

"Weirdos." Tony says, yawning. He's sitting eating cereal with Steve and Thor, both of whom are trying very hard not to laugh. Erik feels much better at the sight, and hurries after his boyfriend.

Miraculously, Charles bumps into nothing as he walks across campus reading. This is partially due to the fact that Erik glares at everyone who walks near them, and also because Charles is in some kind of bubble of knowledge that makes him impervious to the outside world.

He walks into the classroom, which is full of extraordinarily nervous looking students, and sits down. Erik sits next to him and realizes that he remembers _absolutely nothing _about this class.

"Are you all ready?" Professor Logan walks in with an absolutely evil grin on his face, and Charles puts his book on the floor. The exams are passed out and from then on everything is a blur of information and depth and Erik looks up hours later and somehow the allotted time is almost out and he's frantically scribbling out the answer to an essay question.

When Professor Logan says, still looking evil (he's been sitting with his feet on a desk reading a book this whole time) that their time is up, Erik turns in his exam with a mixture of nausea and relief.

"What did you think-" He's going to ask Charles what he thought of the essay question. But Charles is already buried in a new pile of notes, for another class Erik doesn't take.

* * *

><p>Erik is seriously worried now. Charles is in the exact same position on the couch except with a laptop, typing up an essay, and there are different books making a fortress around him. Even when most of the rest of them are finished with everything Charles, overachiever that he is, is still working.<p>

Without like, sleeping. He barely even eats except when Thor literally puts food in his hand, and then it's a very distracted way of eating. He hasn't shaved, or showered, or changed his clothes.

True, his stubble is quite appealing, but since Charles isn't looking up from his books, Erik isn't getting any sex. He's just hovering about being worried as Charles takes tests and writes essays and doesn't waver in his concentration.

He doesn't even waver enough to laugh when Tony flees to their dorm after a mob of stressed students start throwing calculators at him.

It's on Friday that Charles walks in and smiles at Erik. He's stubbly and uncouth and probably smells, but Erik can't stop his heart from fluttering anyway.

"I." Charles announces. "Am done with my finals." He collapses on the couch.

"Charles?" Erik scrambles forward and pokes at him.

Charles is asleep. Absolutely, completely, asleep. Everyone in the room breathes a sigh of relief.

"Right." Erik picks him up. "I'm just going to get him to bed."

* * *

><p>Thirty four hours later, Charles wakes up. And bad things begin to happen.<p>

Erik finds it interesting that, while the combined IQ of Charles's rommates could overthrow the government and set up a new republic (probably one where everyone wore Armani suits and unicorns frolicked about with puppies and hammers were sacred objects), they're really a group of idiots.

True, finals are over and they're all rejoicing, but still, getting this drunk is something Erik expects of moron frat boys, not young men of such a high caliber.

Tony decided that they needed alcohol to celebrate, and it turned out that Thor has this amazing stash of Norweigian liquor in his room, and this situation is _still not justified_.

"Time to remove another layer Thor." Charles says, cackling. Thor groans and begins to wiggle out of his jeans. Tony laughs and sprays beer over his notes by accident.

Their room looks like the set of a porno. There's Steve, in nothing but an undershirt and tighty whities, lolling against the couch and waving about a beer bottle. Thor is busy trying (and failing) to extract himself from his jeans. Bruce is huddled against a chair in his undershirt and jeans, looking relieved that he decided to wear so many layers today. Tony, of course, is buck naked.

Erik can't believe they agreed to play strip chess. He's shirtless and, after Thor, the least drunk of the lot. Not because Thor hasn't been drinking though, Thor managed to consume more alcohol than Erik thought humanely possible. He just has a high tolerance for it, and mocks the silly Americans whenever someone hiccups.

He still _sucks_ at chess.

"Your move." Charles is grinning. He's only had to take off his socks, which Erik considers unfair since Charles is barefoot half the time anyway. Charles is a scarily good chess player even while so drunk that he can't stand up properly.

Erik isn't going to complain about that bit. Charles is sitting in his lap and keeps patting his chest, which is quite pleasant, plus Erik is playing Bruce and he's winning. That means that Bruce will soon have to either lose his shirt, or his pants.

Erik does sort of wonder what type of underwear Bruce wears. He's learned from this game that Steve wears tighty whities with an American flag on them, that Thor actually has boxers with a fancy crest on them that were made in his country, and that Tony goes commando.

…he didn't actually want to know any of those things, especially the last one.

On the plus side, this has probably honed his chess skills. Erik is _not_ going to lose and reveal that he's wearing boxers with hearts on them because he was out of any other clean underwear.

"Heh, heh, heh." Charles has gone back to his evil laughter. That's probably because he's managed to beat Thor yet again (these games don't last very long) and soon he'll be against Steve, who is now playing Tony. Erik doesn't know exactly how the system works, but there are three chessboards and they're all battling someone. Loser has to take off one article of clothing, and you take a swallow of Thor's Norwegian beer whenever you lose a piece.

It's the worst game ever, and Erik doesn't know what he was thinking when agreed to it.

"D'you know tht we are in _America?_" Steve slurs. He waves his beer bottle. "Ooooh say doooes thaaat staaar spaaaaaangled baaaneeeer yeeeet waaave…"

Erik notices that Charles has his Iphone out. He's recording and grinning.

That devious bastard. Erik reaches over and grabs it from his hand. Charles pouts at him.

Good Lord, there are a lot of pictures on this. There's Thor falling over trying to get out of his jeans, there's Tony sobbing over his lost castle (Erik thinks there's a deeper meaning to that, but he's too drunk to figure it out) and Bruce trying to balance a tower of beer bottles.

"Erik…" Charles whines. "I want my phone."

"This thing should be burned."

"Issa blackmail." Charles turns around so that he's straddling Erik, having clearly forgotten that they're in a room with a bunch of other guys. This is carrying the porn set metaphor a bit far, in Erik's view. "Can't you give it back? I'll make it wooorth it…"

"Uh." Erik tries to scramble back. Charles wiggles forward, practically purring, and as good at grinding as Charles is (he really can do a lot of things while drunk), Erik would rather not do this in public. "Uh."

"Ha!" Charles grabs his phone from Erik's hand and turns around to resume playing. Bruce has apparently been defeated by Steve despite the fact that Steve is still warbling a twisted version of the national anthem, and apparently wears fuzzy dark green underwear, with a little symbol on it which indicates radioactive materials.

Erik so does not want to know.

This is going to end up with all of them sprawled around naked and nobody remembering what happened, Erik can just tell. Thor, going by the increasingly desperate look on his face, agrees and doesn't want to deal with that again.

(No one will tell him, but Erik has heard vague mentions of something like this happening before, and pictures ending up online, and Tony and Steve ending up spooning. Erik wonders if this inability to stay on one train of thought is a sign that he's had too much whiskey.)

That's funny. Thor seems to have stolen Jarvis. And to be jabbering at the phone in Norwegian. Erik hopes he isn't drunk dialing his father.

About five minutes after that, Thor has won his chess match and Erik is wondering when the hell Thor became that smart. Also wondering who will win, because now Thor is locked into a death match with Charles (Steve is curled up on the couch blushing and with a coaster to hide his privates).

It's an intense game. Charles has suddenly undrunkified (that's a word, Erik is totally sure of it, and he'll look it up when he's sober) himself. Thor has Jarvis pressed to his ear and keeps nodding, moving his pieces without hesitation.

Seriously, what the hell? Not in a million years could Thor play chess on Charles's level.

"Wait…" Charles blinks at the board. Clearly, he's come to the same conclusion. "Cheater!"

Thor looks like a deer caught in the headlights. "Um."

"Well _someone_ had to help out this bunch of idiots." The voice that comes from Jarvis isn't slurred at all. It's calm and clear and somehow really, really, scary. "It makes the games interesting, doesn't it Charles?"

Charles flips the phone off. Because Jarvis is weird and whoever is on the other end must be seeing that, laughter comes from the phone. It's _evil_ laughter.

"Right." Erik gets to his feet and hauls Charles up. "We're going to bed."

Tony leers. Bruce burps. Steve snores, because he's actually passed out, and it looks like the coaster is going to slip. Thor nods and begins to talk in Norwegian with Jarvis, and Erik is getting Charles away from that evil person from Norway as soon as possible.

* * *

><p>The hangovers fade in time for the holidays, but only barely. As far as the holidays go, no one seemed to be eager to go home. Tony just sort of shrugged and muttered something about this being just as comfortable. Steve said cheerfully that he might as well stay here, since his family is vacationing in Florida and no snow on Christmas is just un-American. Thor grunted something about his country and his father. Bruce doesn't want to deal with the headache caused by hours of transit. Charles points out that since they've got enough room for Raven, no reason to move. Erik doesn't have the money to go to Germany and visit his mother.<p>

So they're all there hanging out, with Raven curled up next to Charles and the two of them plotting, when the phone rings. Everyone eyes each other and wonders which one of them has to get up.

Inevitably, it is Steve.

"Hello?" Steve blinks. "I beg your pardon? Ma'am, I'm sorry, we must have a bad connection…excuse me? Ma'am? Ma'am, I can't understand what you're saying."

Tony snatches the phone and says into it "We can trace this call, find your number, find your address, and send snipers after you, do you understand?" Then he looks at Steve. "She's speaking German. Charles, Erik, Thor, which one of you is expecting a call?"

Then Erik remembers that after he damaged his phone, he told his mother she could reach him at his dorm phone and gave her the number. He quickly gets up and grabs the phone, shooting Tony an evil look.

"Mama?" Tony cracks up. Charles looks suddenly interested. Erik pushes Tony toward his chair. "Ja, Ja."

"Interesting roommates." Erik laughs. Thankfully, his mother sounds more amused.

"They're…very special. How are you?"

"Oh, fine. I thought I would call to wish you a happy Chanukah, make sure finals didn't kill you." Erik leans against the wall and wishes the phone was cordless.

"Thanks. And I think I passed." Erik paused. He'd mentioned that he had a new boyfriend to his mother but hadn't really said much, and his roommates were all prowling around watching him talk.

"And Charles?"

"He studied…wait, how do you know his name?" He could hear his mother's dry tone from halfway round the world.

"Well, one would _think_ my dear son would tell me about the new man in his life, but no, I saw it on your facebook."

"My _facebook?_" Erik sort of sputters. He set up that stupid thing upon coming to America, because a friend told him everyone in America had face book, but other than a futile attempt to change the setting so it would stop spamming him, he hasn't been on it since.

"Ja. And I must say, I'm rather offended at not being invited to the wedding."

"Wait, what wedding?"

"At least he sounds like a nice young man, though I can't see his profile. Tell him to friend me."

"Wait, what?" His mother has a face book. Erik can hear the horsemen of the Apocalypse coming nearer.

"Your _husband's_ profile dear." His mother tuts. "Silly boy, you must have been up late studying. Call me when you can think properly."

Click. Erik stares at the phone.

"Erik, you look confused." Thor comments. "Did she say you were going home for the holidays?"

"No…" Erik keeps staring at the phone. "She has a facebook."

Tony goes oddly still. Erik frowns and opens Charles's laptop, logging onto his face book page. Last he checked, he didn't even have a profile picture.

Well. That's changed. Now he has a profile picture, a whole new slew of personal information, and a new relationship status. Also, he's been renamed Erik Xavier.

What the hell…

Erik bets that someone whose roommates weren't all super geniuses wouldn't have to deal with this. Charles looks over his shoulder, sees it, and laughs, wiggling into position so Erik's arm is draped over his shoulder.

"My friend, you must find a better way to propose."

"I didn't…I'm not…I wouldn't…" Tony breaks down into giggles. Thor is making the room vibrate with his manly chuckles. Steve is frowning.

"I believe that's illegal." He says darkly. Charles laughs.

"Don't worry, I'll call Mark and have it fixed." Tony rolls his eyes. Erik tries to process the fact that Charles is on first name terms with the founder of face book. "I've attended a couple of benefits with him." Charles explains, as he takes out his Iphone.

"Well it's not like it's not true." Tony grumbles. "Honestly, you two have been married since the first time Erik spent the night, and you're just disgustingly domestic."

"We are not!"

"You sort of are." Bruce says apologetically. "Like, he's wearing your turtleneck and you share books and cuddle and talk about inside jokes and he bothers you about your nutritional intake and you play chess for hours.

Erik glares at them and can find no adequate rebuttal.

* * *

><p>"Yes. Yes. Mmmhm. Oh, don't worry, I'm keeping them in hand." Erik walks into the living room and tosses his bag on the floor, thoroughly disgusted with the weather. He notices immediately that Thor looks vaguely disgruntled and that Charles is cheerfully chattering into his Iphone. "He has. Carrots on Monday and green beans yesterday. Oh my god, really? The <em>entire<em> thing? Well that's certainly clever, I'll give him that, but was anyone hurt? Good." Charles puts a hand over the bottom of the phone and smiles at Erik. "There's not much food in the fridge hon, but Steve said he'd bring back take out."

"Right." Erik, who was on the normal meal plan before this whole "rooming with rich nutcases" thing, sort of wonders how they afford all this.

"Oh, that was just Erik coming in. Ah. I see you're on facebook. Why, thank you. Bye Mr. Vadderung. I'll tell Tony, Steve, Bruce, and Erik that you say hello." Charles slips the phone into his pocket as Erik opens the fridge to see if there's _any_ sort of food here. He's starving.

"Charles." No, food per se. There's just a head. A human head. In his fridge.

"Oh ignore the head, it's just some experiment Bruce read about online and decided he would try." Erik sighs, grabs a beer (with Tony around, there's always some form of alcohol) and slams the door shut on the head. Normal frat boys probably don't have to deal with this.

"Who was on the phone?" Erik asks as he sits on the couch. Charles snuggles up to him.

"Thor's father." Huh. That might explain Thor's expression.

"You two talk?"

"He loves me." Charles laughs. Thor rolls his eyes.

"Father would adopt Charles if he could get dual citizenship. As it is, he's been appointed my live in Nanny, after father found out about that one party." Thor scowls. "I still don't know how he finds out about these things. It's like he can spy on me all the way from Norway."

"For heaven's sake, the reason he knows about everything you do is because you decided that accepting a friend request from a parent was a good idea, and Loki hacks your account whenever he's bored." Charles says, with a sort of familiar exasperation.

"He _what?_"

"Nevermind." Charles says quickly. "Anyway, Erik, if we ever get married, Thor's dad says we can have the ceremony and reception at his castle for free." Erik takes a gulp of beer and thinks that at least his mother would approve.

"Why-are-we-talking-about-marriage-did-Erik-pop-the-question?" Tony bursts into the room. Steve follows, carrying a steaming bag of Chinese food. Thank god. Erik is starving.

"No, we were kidding." Charles rolls his eyes. "Did you run all the way up here?"

"Yes, he did." Steve says. "He had that creepy earbud in that hooks into Jarvis and lets him tap into the audio on the cameras in here."

Erik quietly resolves to search his and Charles's room later. Also the bathroom. That's fricking creepy.

"Maybe." Tony mutters.

"They've been dating for a few months, for God's sake." Steve sighs. "People need a respectable amount of time for courtship-"

"Steve is going to start talking about swearing in movies and tattooes soon." Charles mutters in his ear. "Grab whatever carton you want and meet me in the bedroom. We can watch cat videos on my phone until they shut up."

* * *

><p>In a small part of his brain, Erik knows that this is irrational and stupid and an incredibly bad idea.<p>

"And you have your fucking hair products which you leave all over the bathroom-"

"_I'm_ a slob? Oh excuse me, Mr. I don't pick up my papers Lensherr!" Charles yells at him. They're standing on opposite sides of the living room, screaming at each other, and Erik isn't quite sure why. It might have to do with Erik being grumpy from a failed assignment and Charles not having had any tea that morning.

"Those are important! Maybe if you weren't a bloody richboy who has no idea what real life is like-"

"_I_ have no idea what life is like! You barely have a plan past college!"

"At least I don't live in a delusional little world where everybody loves everybody and the whole world just wants to be peaceful!"

"_Delusional?_ Excuse me for having faith in the universe!" Erik is about to retort without something really nasty when Thor (he's been cowering in a chair this entire time, looking absolutely terrified) raises his hand.

"What?" Erik snarls at him.

"Do you think that maybe you two are really-"

"Shut up!" Charles and Erik say in unison. Then they glare at each other.

"If that's how you feel about everything I believe in, then maybe you should get out." Charles finally says, acid coating the words.

"Fine." Erik grabs his coat and storms out, slamming the door behind him. Charles storms into his room and slams the door. Thor keeps cowering and thinks that the people in his country were never this insane. Except possibly one...

* * *

><p>It takes maybe fifteen minutes are walking around in a huff for Erik to realize that he's being an idiot. For one, he doesn't think Charles is delusional, just a tad idealistic, and it's actually sweet and gives <em>Erik<em> hope for the world, and he still doesn't feel like going back and apologizing. This may suggest he has issues with stubbornness.

Erik ignores that little voice that keeps spouting off clichés about letting go of pride. He feels like an idiot sleeping on a bench, but it's not like he's never done idiotic things before (the memory of the strip chess comes back).

Come morning, Erik's back really hurts, he's _really really cold_ and he thinks that this quite frankly even more stupid than the chess.

Also, there's a man sitting on his bench staring at him.

"What do you want?" Erik grunts. Thank God he has no money on him. Or a phone. Or internet access. Or food.

He really didn't think this thing through, did he?

"This might be a dream." The man says calmly. "Or another reality."

Great. Erik is probably about to get mugged by a drug addict. Why did he have to leave the apartment?

"Do you realize what a sad, lonely, existence you would live, if you didn't have Charles?" And then it passes from drug addict to very, very, creepy. "Do you even remember where on campus you're supposed to be living?"

"…I am not discussing my boyfriend with a drug addict stalker."

"So he _is_ still your boyfriend?" The man looks a bit disgusted. "Well that blondie _did_ over exaggerate." The man sighs. "I suppose you're just going to back without my even needing to go into the elaborate oration."

"…dude." Erik groans. "If you're a hallucination, please leave. I have to go home and talk to my boyfriend."

"Ugh." The strange man glares. "Why do you want to talk to that idealistic, prudish, irritating know-it all?"

Huh. Erik wonders if the fact that he can punch his own hallucination in the nose means he's insane. Either way, the man glares at him and mumbles something about the worst brother ever. Then he hurried off into the morning mists and it occurs to Erik that since he's willing to punch people who insult Charles, he ought to swallow his pride and apologize as soon as he gets home.

* * *

><p>Erik hesitantly walks through the dorm. Thus far, all of his roommates are mysteriously absent, but hopefully Charles is still around.<p>

"Erik!" Charles scrambles to his feet and flings himself at Erik. Erik catches him and kisses him. Charles's arms snake around his neck, and Erik is so incredibly thankful that they're making up. Charles leans back a bit, separating them. "I am so sorry, I don't know _what_ I was thinking-"

"Me too." Erik sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I don't even remember what started that fight. Let's not do it again."

"Mmmhmm." Charles leans forward and kisses him again. Awesome. They can totally have make up sex now.

"Yes!" Then he hears rejoicing in the hallway. And then the roommates burst into the room.

"Thank God!" Tony says, thumping Erik on the back. "Good for you! Good!"

Thor crushes them both in a hug. Bruce claps his hands and grins in a rather relieved way.

"Your roommates are stalkers." Erik mutters to Charles. Charles shrugs, sort of wheezing, because Thor has essentially crushed all of his ribs.

"Now listen." Steve says severely. "Never, ever, ever, do that again. You two aren't allowed to break up." The others back him up with a chorus of nods. Erik stares at them and realizes that he is stuck with these people for ever and ever. _"You are the people who give other couples hope."_

**A/N: I had to do it, okay? And watch me end up writing more of this. It's the best thing to do rather than work in class ever. **

**Review? Please? **


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